Recently, we all have experienced a barrage of strong opinions where we may or may not have advocated anything (except simply by being present). I accept these as “lessons” to my character but let me tell you, it sure isn’t easy some days!! By nature I have always defended my beliefs and with passionate verbal skill, my frail ego mirroring an inner child who didn’t believe her worth. So, to have a finger seemingly pointed at me, indicating I have a “problem” for choosing positive thought when being surrounded by political chaos or for not being adept at remembering somebody’s name (I have always been horrible at associating names and so have never been offended if someone calls me Krissy, Kristen, Kris… “HEY!” That apparently is NOT the case for everyone! OOPSIE). So what does one do when the universe comes knocking at your door with a proverbial dark mirror?
My suggestion… how about taking good hard look at it?
EXAMPLE: Working for a company that manufactures a “living” medical device has been over two decades worth of staying ahead of those competitors that may develop something better, quicker, cheaper… In order to do this, we as specialists in our industry have been taught how to apply problem solving techniques on a number of levels. One of my favorites has always been what has been dubbed the “Five Whys.”
Five whys (or 5 whys) is an iterative interrogative technique used to explore the cause-and-effect relationships underlying a particular problem. The primary goal of the technique is to determine the root cause of a defect or problem by repeating the question “Why?”. Each answer forms the basis of the next question. The “five” in the name derives from an anecdotal observation on the number of iterations needed to resolve the problem.Wikipedia
I like it so much that it is being used as a therapeutic problem solving technique for myself and those in my counsel. So today, my own example will be used to demonstrate how to do this for yourself when those LIFE moments keep serving a bunch of what the heck. Only one rule, it HAS to be about what you are facing in the mirror… NO FINGER POINTING ALLOWED!!
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
The earth is being invaded by ultracrepidarians!! LOL
WHY IS HEARING STRONG OPINIONS A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
This (notice I did not type “they”… that is finger pointing!) makes me feel triggered.
WHY IS GETTING TRIGGERED A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
When I am triggered I have a tendency to become defensive.
WHY IS BEING DEFENSIVE A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
I react from a point of insecurity and say things that I don’t mean.
WHY IS SAYING THINGS YOU DON’T MEAN A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
I feel stupid when saying things out of context and it often hurts somebody else.
WHY IS HURTING SOMEONE ELSE A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
Relationships are what is needed to learn, grow and become a better person.
OK, so there you have it. The root cause of “my problem” is that I cannot grow into the example that Jesus set (insert your best example here) by hurting other people. In fact, often times by stereotyping others we break the ability to “bridge gaps” and create healthy relationships!! If you were on a gratitude walk with me it is at this point that we paint a rock (book at The Welcome Homestead, rock image link included below) that is the opposite of the root cause we have just discovered… In this case, perhaps;
I AM GROWING BY PRACTICING ACCEPTANCE
I will now repeat this to myself mornings when waking up and at night before falling to sleep and also keep the rock as a reminder until I begin to act accordingly. Research states that in just 21 days my character will begin to respond subconsciously to the affirmation that is being rehearsed.
That means the next time a strong opinion floats my way, I won’t be feeling invaded but more at peace with who and where that person is, knowing their position is not a result of anything I have or haven’t done, AS THINGS SHOULD BE!
I encourage clients to leave their “affirmation” or “empowering belief” rock on a trail (if you find one of mine I’ll give you a free session) once they feel healed, so that someone else may be inspired… The universe will then mirror their message to the next person who reads it, and so a cycle of healing continues!!