Have you ever looked down on anyone? For anything? Really? If we truly think about it, we all probably do every day in one way or another without even knowing. For example, I have a degree in microbiology and medical technology. It frustrates me when someone tries to tell me their perspective about a viral condition, I share my input on the topic and it is ignored/disregarded.
By definition, “to regard oneself as superior to someone or something and thus act in a haughty or snobbish manner”, the above means I may be “looking down” on others because I feel as if I know more and get discouraged when someone may not agree… but what do I know of their experience?
In my previous blog “On the Other Hand” I had described encountering many overwhelmed customers and employees while shopping… Claiming that it is SO EASY to become irritable these days… and “I find gestures of kindness a critical element missing in the lives of most so choose to leave them with a patient smile and words of encouragement. Why? Obviously they are feeling as if what they are doing isn’t good enough.” In that regard, may I introduce you to the promised client (and interview with her very special finger, “Adeline” (pronounced OUT A LINE)).
The name Adeline is a girl’s name of French origin meaning “noble, nobility”. NOBILITY means “the quality of being noble in character, mind, birth, or rank…
If you look at Adeline, you see the crooked figure of an arthritic finger. Her owner says that she is “out of line” because she is difficult to manage and not good for many things. Upon further inquiry, however, we discover that she IS GOOD for…
…”DIGGING WEEDS AND PLANTING SEEDS”…
…doesn’t get much nobler than that!
How many of you have a problem with what you see in the mirror? Useless finger, terrible hands, too fat, too thin, muffin top, no hair…
“Self-criticism is something we all fall into from time to time. But for others it’s practically a way of life.
For the chronically self-critical, even the tiniest mistakes trigger tidal waves of negative self-talk and self-directed judgmentalness:
- Ugh, why am I such an idiot! I’ve done this a thousand times and I manage to screw it up every time.
- That presentation was a disaster. I know I’m no good at public speaking so why didn’t I just let Ben take the lead…
- That’s a terrible thing to think… What’s wrong with me?!
Thankfully, no matter how self-critical you are it’s always possible to change — to learn to become kinder, gentler, and more realistic in your self-assessments. Because here’s the thing:
Fundamentally, self-criticism is a habit. And habits can be changed if you know what’s maintaining them.Nick Wignall
If you’d like to be less self-critical,
the first step is to identify why you keep doing it in the first place.”
DIGGING WEEDS AND PLANTING SEEDS
Anyone familiar with planting a garden and getting it to produce a good harvest KNOWS how tedious Adeline’s job is… It is an everyday task that definitely takes longer than 21 days. Why 21 days? Because THAT is how long it takes to form a habit!!
In my NLP work, we do something that is called “solution based therapy”.
There are numerous ways to perform this and it can provide someone with a means of determining what the root cause of their self criticism habit is… what is “maintaining” it. More often than not, we discover that the habit is formed as a result of some limiting belief the person has about themselves.
Limiting beliefs are false beliefs that prevent us from pursuing our goals and desires. Limiting beliefs can keep you from doing important things, like applying for your dream job or finding the relationship you want (or leaving the one you don’t want). They can also keep you from doing unimportant things, like skydiving in your underwear or trying out that weird Scotchberry ice cream flavor that looks like baby vomit in a cone.
Our beliefs put boundaries and limitations on what we perceive to be reasonable behavior. My belief that stealing is wrong limits me from simply stealing the next car that rolls by, Grand Theft Auto-style. This limiting belief is probably a good one to have. Therefore, we can say that not all limiting beliefs are negative. In fact, we need some limiting beliefs in order to, you know, limit us from doing stupid shit.Mark Manson
So, break an old habit and form a new one! Get it? Adeline isn’t terrible and useless, she “digs weeds and plants seeds”! Anybody else loving the umpteen trillion beneficial analogies that we can draw from that phrase? That is HELLA DEEP!! Adeline hasn’t been prevented from ANYTHING beneficial by being how she is… Neither should we allow our limiting beliefs keep us in an unsatisfied state of being.
I LOVE PLANTING SEEDS (especially mustard)!!
So, like Adeline, I task myself with “digging weeds and planting seeds” with the faith that a healing harvest can be just 21 days away if a person is willing to do the work. An NLP practitioner is NOT a traditional talk therapist (nor a licensed psychologist in our western culture)… I cannot diagnose mental health issues nor prescribe medications for whatever ails you. I CAN be a life coach and give you tools for determining what your limiting beliefs are, breaking old bad habits and forming new healthy ones. I CAN help you write game plans and cheer you on from the sidelines as you win your own life game. It pleases me to no end when I see the light come back on in someone’s eyes when they look in that shattered self-image and realize that they are what everyone is …”beautifully broken”… and a miracle of life. (((WE ARE ALL KINTSUGI)))